In new places, my son will often spend the first 10 minutes running around, desperately trying to take in all the sounds, smells and visuals of a new place to help him understand where he is. He is small, nimble and fast, so this often turns into an obstacle course for me to negotiate as I’m jumping over small dogs, taking a left turn past the old couple, and narrowly avoiding the teenager on a skateboard.
At friends’ houses, my son needs to find his spot; his place where, if needed, he can escape from the hustle and bustle of someone else’s family life. A little corner of peace in a world of overstimulation, where he can take a breath.
Don’t get me wrong, my autistic son loves people. I don’t think I realized how important family was to him until our extended family was taken away from him when we couldn’t visit them because of the pandemic. He also likes being around other children. So why has he never had a party outside of his immediate family? I guess I’m scared.
What happens when he won’t share his toys? What happens if he just wants to stay in his room away from everyone else? What will he even do with all the birthday gifts? One year, it took him 3 days to open his Christmas presents which had taken his brother only 5 minutes to do. Will he be upset if I ask for no birthday gifts? Am I overthinking this? What do I do if after 10 minutes he asks everyone to leave? What games or activities will entertain him and his school friends (all of whom have different abilities)? How can I have a conversation with an adult, keep an eye on my son and make sure a party is running smoothly all at the same time? And the list goes on!
I guess I’m still adjusting in my own way to having a son with different needs than other children, which has led to making our own traditions for birthdays. These traditions include a cake, balloons and a meal of his favorite food. It is more simple, less stressful, and anything extra is a bonus. Each year we will reassess and see how comfortable we both are.
The Pajama Gang 