I think if we are all honest with ourselves, we would say that we have a love-hate relationship with social media. I like to think that my social media usage is to keep in contact with friends and family and as a platform for this blog and shop. But there are occasions (more than I would like to admit) when I slip into the social media wormhole, and multiple hours have been wasted this way. While it is frustrating and does not help me get the laundry done and put it away (laundry baskets are a suitable replacement for dressers, amirite?), it is not the only reason for my hate.
Let me explain. Recently, a friend of mine had a major birthday. She dedicated a whole month to celebrations, including an amazing island vacation. Her lifestyle is different to mine. She chose not to have children, which makes amazing island vacations easier and she works incredibly hard for all she has. I don’t begrudge her the pleasures she has in her life. I just wish it wasn’t displayed all over Facebook and Instagram. Luxury items and lifestyles have always been around. Pictures were taken on cameras with film in them, not iPhones. The film had to be taken to be developed (if you were able to remember to do so), and at least half the pictures would be unusable because a finger was covering the lens or everyone had red eyes. The few pictures that were deemed acceptable were then stuck into a picture album to be used as a bribery tool, or in times when at good laugh was needed, at past hairstyles or clothing choices (and there was always that one family member that insisted on showing you their holiday pictures even if you didn’t care)!
My point is that I knew people went on holiday but I was not bombarded with this realization, and in turn the feeling of ‘their life is better than mine’ every day. ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ is a saying referring to the comparison to one’s neighbor as a benchmark for social class or the accumulation of material goods. While 20 or 30 years ago this meant comparing yourself to the people that lived on the same street as you, had the same kind of house as your family and therefore had a similar income and lifestyle, today it can mean comparing yourself, your life and your children to anyone and everyone. Social media sets us up to feel shit about our lives.
As a parent, I think we can feel that this pressure is even worse because other parents regularly post when their children reach important milestones in their development. There is no one more trigger happy with a camera than a new parent. And if they are a friend or family member, of course we want to see their child- we love them, so we want to love their children- but do we really need to see their fingers and toes in close-up, or their first poo explosion, or a picture of their belly button stump after it has fallen off (at this point, I want to apologize to all the people that had to view these types of pictures that I shared)? Neither of my children (neuro-typical or autistic) met all their milestones when they were meant to, and it is hard to be reminded of this when people post pictures of 2 year olds reading books with captions like ‘our little genius’ or ‘only 18 months and is already adding up- must get his intelligence from his mum!’
With my elder, neuro-typical son, even though he did not hit all his milestones at the ‘correct’ time, now at age 9 you would never know. But it is another story for my autistic son. Because of social media, I’m constantly reminded that developmentally he may always be behind in certain areas.
‘Look at my 3 year old riding his bike without any help’, while my 7 year old still can not.
‘Dry day and night at 2 years old- she is so smart’, while we are still working on being dry at night.
I’m aware that my son’s progress in education, forming relationships and life in general may always be behind his peers, but it’s a hard blow to be constantly reminded of this. While the eradication of social media is impossible, I’m trying to be more mindful of the impact of my posts and things I share, and try to give a more authentic snippet of our lives instead.
The Pajama Gang 